


The black seas of infinity don't matter if you are by my side

by ZiradiCarabas



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bride Hunting, Eldritch Abominations, F/F, Hobbs is so confused guys, I can't format help, M/M, Mini-Apocalypse, Multi, Todd is useless and Amanda is sick of his bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 14:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13390104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiradiCarabas/pseuds/ZiradiCarabas
Summary: In the time of the crawling Night Lord’s ascendancy, foretold by the exodus of starlight from his sucking astral wounds, Todd Brotzman received a postcard with a Snicker’s bar taped to it for his birthday. He was allergic to nuts. On the back, in sharp capital letters, were the words COME BACK. NEW OMENS.When Amanda decides they're going to use her family's powers to save someone rather than recording their fate, she reluctantly calls Todd in to help her. Now it's his job to find the bride of the pelagic god and save Bergsberg, all while evading the police and the FBI and trying not to murder the man who seems to be stalking him, no matter what his business card says.





	The black seas of infinity don't matter if you are by my side

**Author's Note:**

> Concept comes from the short story "The Deepwater Bride" by Tamsyn Muir. I would definitely recommend it, but it does contain spoilers for the fic. I own nothing and expect to have everything I try to claim for myself devoured by the abyss. Please review.

In the time of the crawling Night Lord’s ascendancy, foretold by the exodus of starlight from his sucking astral wounds, Todd Brotzman received a postcard with a Snicker’s bar taped to it for his birthday. He was allergic to nuts. On the back, in sharp capital letters, were the words COME BACK. NEW OMENS.   
And with that, three months late on rent and fearing Dorian’s wrath, Todd stuck his guitar in the backseat and headed for the address on the card, a place called Bergsberg. He was surprised, to say the least. But the word Amanda filled his head as thoughts of finally seeing her again kept him twenty miles above the speed limit. As the landscape around him grew more rustic, his breathing grew jagged as reality sank in, and he knew it would end up simply being cold stares and muttered prophecies for his stay.  
So intense were his musings, he almost drove past the giant lake roped off with yellow tape. It had turned the color of blood, a piercing red that must have required a thousand corpses. The shores were covered with fish that were better suited to the Mariana Trench, teeth sharp and heads warped into bizarre images. Two figures were standing next to a giant eel. One seemed to be poking at it with a stick.  
“Well, shit,” Todd said, and walked towards the two people.  
“I’ll give you ten dollars if you touch it,” said the woman holding the stick.   
“Nu-uh,” the man beside her replied.  
“Twenty.”  
“No.”  
“Twenty and a giant bag of Doritos.”  
The man began leaning downwards.  
“Hey,” Todd said. “I was wondering if you could tell me about what happened here-“  
The tall, bearded man shrieked and turned to face Todd, brandishing his flashlight like a club.  
“Are you the one who did this?”  
“What? No, how the hell would I even-”  
“The world works in mysterious ways my friend, very mysterious ways. You could be a fisherman who used his catch and a bucket of food dye to pull a prank. You could have come back to the scene of the crime as an alibi. Of course, you could always try to escape, which means I would have to go after you in an incredibly exciting car chase, which would certainly change the fact that nothing has ever happened until now-“  
“Look,” Todd lifted his hands in the air to surrender, “I’m just a sane, boring guy who does normal things like pull over and look at a lake that looks like a biblical plague. Do you know what’s going on, by any chance?”  
“I am, ah, certain that it must be-“  
“We have absolutely no goddamn idea and it’s awesome!” the man’s companion said, shoving the stick so hard in emphasis it pierced the eel’s eyeball. Slime oozed out, its putrid scent slowly covering the area.  
“Tina!” The man exclaimed, jumping back. The woman-Tina- was too busy cackling.  
“I’m… gonna go…” Todd muttered before slowly leaving the scene, the man and Tina to their own devices.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The room smelled of thyme and sage. The table was scattered with books, none of which were under thirty years old. A few gladioluses sat inside a wooden cup, the only part of the room that seemed new or fresh. Amanda Brotzman, struggling not to drop eggs on a hundred year old tome, saw the future in a glass of orange juice.  
When she came to, the entire glass had migrated to the ground. She cursed, and bent down to pick it up, wincing as her leg screamed in protest. Grabbing a towel, she glanced at her watch. Todd would be here at 4;45, if her vision was right. And she was always right.   
Amanda held back tears of what she claimed was anger, and breathed. She had a job to do. And no matter what happened with her asshole brother in the past, she needed him to help her. Once everything was recorded she could go back to forgetting about his existence, or getting as close to not remembering as she could. Except that wasn’t the plan this time. This time, she would fix everything.  
For now, all there was to do was read and hope for the best.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Todd drove through what seemed to pass as Main Street in Bergsberg, rattled by what he had seen but too scared to go ahead. A Deep Omen meant a King or a Queen, and that was some deep, apocalypse-level shit right there. Yeah, Amanda and him were going to survive, in accordance with the pact, but it was still awful to imagine the entire town being levelled. Well, and so it goes.  
He decided to stop for gas. Coming out of the convenience store with a slushie, he saw that it had begun to snow overhead. He caught a flake upon his tongue and immediately spit it out, examining a nearby pile cautiously.  
The salt crystals glistened in the sunlight. They covered the street, raining down lightning quick, scratching windshields and causing pedestrians to run for cover. The ground suddenly two inches closer to him, Todd looked at the other people on the street, their eyes wide with amazement.   
Someone screamed. But as everyone’s eyes turned, they saw it was not a sound of horror, but of joy. In the middle of the road, haloed by the gas station’s light, a man was leaping in their air, arms flapping in excitement.  
“Isn’t it absolutely fantastic?!” he exclaimed, tie askew and hair covered in salt. “Isn’t it totally brilliant?”  
The snow suddenly stopped. Everyone else seemed to have stopped as well. Todd could see someone crying in front of an electrician’s shop. The man grinned maniacally at him, letting the salt sift through his fingers like precious jewels.  
Todd turned and fled.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
In hindsight, forgetting the car was a bad idea- although he couldn’t have driven through those streets anyways. It took about an hour of wandering to figure out where Amanda’s place was- a small house labelled The Factory in the same angry letters on his postcard. Tentatively, he prepared to knock on the door.  
Amanda opened it before he had even reached the knob.  
“The pelagic king is here to claim a bride,” she said “And we’re going to save her.”


End file.
